IF:Equip, Day 1, Nehemiah 1

Last week it was brought to my attention that the website If:Equip was starting a study of the book of Nehemiah. Not your typical study with homework pages and small group get togethers, but more a time to read through the scripture, reflect and pray on it. I have studied the book of Nehemiah twice now, each time covering every verse, but honestly, I have felt a great need to have a time of focused prayer in my life right now and this appears to be a wonderful opportunity, so I decided to take part. 

The reading started yesterday with the Nehemiah Chapter 1, and please know that it isn't too late if you'd like to join in reading along with women across the country. What a wonderful thing to be a part of a larger group of women of all ages, races, and locations, studying the Word together and sharing what we're taking from the passage! 

So, with all that said, I'm choosing to blog my thoughts from Day 1, Nehemiah, Chapter 1. Please click HERE if you'd like to read the scripture passage in its entirety. 

Things that stuck out to me when I read through Nehemiah 1:

• Verses 2 - 3: Jerusalem is a hot mess. The people are a mess, in great trouble and shame. The physical wall and gates are busted up. All of this is post exile. This is the state of the survivors. It just reminds me that just because you endure a moment of crisis, it doesn't mean that everything is a-okay. Sometimes the effects of a moment of pain last far beyond the actual moment.
• Verse 4: In response to the news, Nehemiah is truly broken over the state of things. He shows an outward focus, a deep love for others that brings about weeping and mourning for days. When have I felt so moved, such care and compassion as Nehemiah shows here? I think this is a perfect example of the commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself."  
• Verse 4: Nehemiah does not automatically go into fix it mode. There is no committee formed that sends out feelers for people to volunteer who have building skills. No, his answer is to first go to the One who is ultimately in control and seeking His guidance first. And notice that Nehemiah approaches God with an offering of sacrifice, choosing to fast and pray, taking away his own sustenance and replacing it with seeking God's counsel. That is such a contrary, unique, uncommon practice than how I usually respond when I am facing a problem,
• Nehemiah's Prayer, Verses 5 - 11:
• There's an acknowledgment of who God is first and foremost
• He requests that his words be heard, an earnest asking for attention
• We see an acceptance of Israel's and his part in this. There is no denial or evading of sin, but instead he comes acknowledging that God had told them beforehand what would happen, that there would be a separation. I think sometimes (okay, often), when I am battling a particular issue, I don't like to take the time to reflect. To see how I got into the mess, confessing my own responsibility and sin, I just like to focus on the God fixing things for me instead. Accepting a role in some of the places I've landed can be painful.
• A repetition of the asking to be heard (v.11). I think anytime you see something repeated, it carries a little more weight, and in this case, it makes me feel the depth of Nehemiah's emotional state when he's praying. That he is just desperate and earnest and pleading with his words, and therefore he is asking once more that God would hear him. 
• Finally he comes asking for success and mercy. No doubt, hearing the news of Jerusalem was fresh in Nehemiah's mind, and so it could be tempting just to charge forth and start praying up the requests, but notice, he takes the time to praise, to acknowledge, to confess first. 

So, what does this mean about God, about me, and the world?

Well, when I read it, the words may have been Old Testament, but they're still true and applicable to day. I'm living in a world that is broken, and just because my fellow humans may make it through a physical catastrophe or a financial crisis, it doesn't mean everything's 100% repaired. Often, there's as much to be done in the repairing and restoration as there was in the surviving. God is still in control and He is still the answer for the question, what do I do now? Seeking Him first should always be my first step. I also certainly think I could take a page from Nehemiah's book on what it means to be whole-heartedly upset and caring for others who may be going through a troubled time. To sacrifice something of me to go to God on their behalf is not a typical behavior I practice. Like most of the world around me, I'm so focused and pouring my efforts and attention into what affects me and those closest to me, that I feel I can't spare very much for others. A pray here and there, maybe, but weeping, mourning and fasting? No, probably not. This passage is an encouragement as to how I respond to what I see going on around me, even if it isn't happening in my own house. 

Seeing as I know how things play out in this book, I know that God can move in a mighty way when His people act as Nehemiah did. So, I'm excited to come alongside the IF group and apply these days of scriptural study to my life. 

Till next time - C

The Weight of Words

I'm a writer. I'm an editor. I'm one who devours words like others snack on a bag of chips - one, two, fifty, a thousand, it doesn't matter because there is always room in my brain within which to take in a few more words.

Words can paint a picture in the reader's mind, they can bring tears to the eyes or a smile to the face. Put them together the right way and they can tell a story or give instruction. Even if no one said anything to you, if you picked up the Bible and just read the words, you'd find the path to the cross - it's right there tucked in the pages from beginning to end, a magnificent tapestry of words that hold such hope. It's hard to think that these rather small individual pieces of letters when put together in a variety of combinations could hold that much power.

And yet, they do. 

I've used my own words for good, carelessly let them fall out of my mouth in a moment of rash emotion, and I've thrown them out like arrows intent on wounding. The fact that I have a way with words almost makes me more dangerous, because while I've greater skill at using them to encourage and uplift, I'm also a rather handy swordsman.

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

Add to that the lightening quick speed within which we send emails, a text or a Facebook message and we have a recipe for disaster - words quickly typed, most often unedited and unleashed in such a way as they can't be taken back. Even if you apologize, you can't make the recipient erase from their mind and heart what you've written, and unless you seek out their email inbox or cell phone and hit the delete button, they've got a hard copy of what you said. 

Did you really mean it? 

I once read the following thought:

"Imagine a world where the words you speak appear on your skin. Would you be more careful with what you say?"

That makes me stop and think, look back at things I've said or typed in my moments of anger and frustration. I confess I would have a few inches of skin that I'd squirm in discomfort until they were covered up from other's eyes.

Recently I had a few words that were put into writing about me. It wasn't the nastiest thing anyone could have said, but it did hit me in one of the places where I try and serve God. They came without warning on a weekday afternoon and I've carried them in my mind for a few weeks now, thinking back on what was said and who said them.

It's been a mixture of feelings - I've prayed for the writer because it's obvious they are upset and that kind of emotional turmoil can lead to seeds of bitterness that take root and that's such a miserable place to be. I've tried to think back as to when someone has approached me to try and share how they were upset with the way I was serving and couldn't find anything. I've questioned that maybe there was some truth to what they've said and that's left me feeling small and hurt and wanting to find a quiet corner to sit in all by myself. And when given the chance to serve in that very ministry, I just wanted to bow out, feeling the weight of those criticizing words looming over me. 

Do you think the writer realized that was the impact they would have when they wrote that letter? Was that what they intended? I'd like to think that some part of them was truly concerned and seeking change for the better, but I can't see where that has happened. My bruised heart doesn't feel restored or encouraged or directed in a way that's better, it just feels attacked. How is there any good in that? 

So instead, I've been a little quiet with my words. If anything positive has come of what was said, then may it be that I think twice about anything I choose to write or say. May I remember what I've felt these past few weeks, and choose to not be the deliverer of such a blow to those around me. 

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."   Ephesians 4:29