Have you ever had those moments?
The light switch flicks on and you see truth for what it is, and yet to accept that truth, to truly embrace it, to let it take root in your life means you have to grab the eraser and furiously try and clear the board of what you had once thought, chalking in this new piece of information even though you can still see the faintest shadow of your past ideas stained on the chalkboard surface.
There really isn't anyone to blame, as I think it only natural that I felt that there is a big "G" God and He is the main one in command and so therefore, on most days, I seem to forget that there are three equal parts to the trinity - God is God, Jesus is God and the Holy Spirit is God. And, I don't dare begin to try and explain that one much further, because I can get confused in trying to read text on the subject, forcing my eyes to go back over the same lines again and again trying to make sense of it all.
Yet, when I started reading Francis Chan's "Forgotten God," and he said something about step one being that you have to stop thinking about the Holy Spirit as an "it" and start thinking of Him as God, then my wheels started to spin. And while they may slow down or take a break, they are still caught in motion because I'm still trying to remind myself that the Holy Spirit is not this come and go presence, or a well meaning guidance counselor somewhat confused with my conscience, but He is indeed God. I'm so consumed with big "G" God that I have indeed forgotten, downsized, devalued this piece of the trinity.
And running along this line of thinking that has spanned over days and weeks, and having scripture repetitiously hit me from different sources with the same verses, I am once again forced to rethink my thoughts on my body being a temple.
"Do you not know that you are a temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?" 1 Corinthians 3:16
The answer is, no, I don't think I've truly known the depths of that question. I always got caught up in this verse as some sort of weapon that people who felt the need to pick apart your life placed in their arsenal.
Are you sure you want to eat that cake, don't you know your body is a temple?
You should stop smoking because you know, your body is a temple.
Those lines of ink forever pushed into the layers of skin on your body, what would God say about you tattooing His temple?
I must confess, I've always just breezed past the mentions of my body being a temple because I'd already gotten more than a few pointed comments regarding said scripture and I didn't feel I needed any more criticism.
Then the light switch was thrown, and that corner of my mind that had heard the Word of God, the scriptures written down by mere men, realized I had missed the biggest picture of all.
The Holy Spirit dwells in me.
God dwells in me.
I am the temple, the vessel, the sanctuary, the girl who heard the word of truth and was sealed with the promised Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 1:13)
And all of a sudden, with this rush of awareness, becomes this frantic dash to try and clean house. Under full blown wattage of exposure, I realize that the temple is dirty, but it's less about cigarettes and junk food, it's about greed and lust and anger and envy and hate and bitterness and lack of self-control and, oh my goodness, this temple is a wreck! The carnage of sin that I have paid little attention to is crowding up the corners and collecting dust on shelving.
There is this ache that has formed just underneath the edge of my rib cage and with eyes wet with tears of mourning because this, this temple suddenly seems uninhabitable, with cracks in the wall gaping and this is no sanctuary for the Most High, this is a hovel. It became overwhelming, my less than state and I thought, how can it be that the Holy Spirit has not insisted that He be allowed to pack up and move out, how can God be so patient to stay with me and not abandon me as a lost cause?
With soothing waves of calm, in the midst of my despair did God remind me of His Word, "For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." John 1:16
Does grace ever stop being sweet? Or, as one may often hear, amazing? Will there ever be a ceasing of moments when I will need another layer, another helping of grace, another reminder that grace is abundant and forgiveness is available and with clarity comes repentance and grace once more? I think not. And with freshly renewed thankfulness, I cling to the promise that it will always be there because without it I am lost.
-C
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